Chapter 1 (Chapter 2 will be ready by 15th Oct!)

CHAPTER 1

THE BEGINNING

MY NAME IS MICHELE McCRUDDEN AND I HAVE CEREBRAL PALSY. THIS IS MY STORY.

I WAS BROUGHT SUDDENLY INTO THIS WORLD AFTER MY UMBILICAL CORD CAME AWAY AND MUM WAS RUSHED IN FOR AN EMERGENCY C – SECTION.

THAT WAS MARCH 1967. MUM WAS COMPLETELY UNAWARE THAT THERE WAS ANYTHING WRONG AND, SO IT SEEMED, WERE THE DOCTORS.

MY PARENTS WERE SEPARATED AND MUM WAS A SINGLE PARENT WITH TWO OF MY FOUR SIBLINGS AT HOME. HER EXPERIENCE WOULD TELL HER WHAT NORMAL CHILD DEVELOPMENT SHOULD BE.

AT HOME I COULDN'T CRY OR SUCK SO MUM OBVIOUSLY KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG BUT THE DOCORS JUST TOLD HER I WOULD CRY SOMETIME. I DID, BUT I DON'T REMEMBER WHEN.

TIME WENT ON AND I STILL COULDN'T SIT UP, CRAWL OR PICK THINGS UP. MUM GOT WORRIED AND, FINALLY, AT THE AGE OF ABOUT THREE YEARS OLD I WAS REFERRED FOR TESTS AT QUEEN MARY'S HOSPITAL IN CROYDEN.

MUM SAID TO THE DOCTOR THAT I REMINDED HER OF A “SPASIC” - A WORD WE DON'T USE NOW FOR DISABLED PEOPLE, BUT ONE USED BACK IN 1970!

I STAYED IN QUEEN MARY'S FOR ABOUT A YEAR, WHERE THEY CARED FOR ME ON A WARD WITH OTHER DISABLED CHILDREN, UNTIL MUM CAME TO BRING ME HOME AGAIN. OVER THE NEXT TWO YEARS I WENT IN AND OUT OF QUEEN MARY'S. I ALSO STARTED AT RUTHERFORD DAY NURSERY.

I ENJOYED MY TIME HERE AND MET SOME GOOD PEOPLE. MRS WELSTEAD USED TO LOOK AFTER ME AND I WOULDN'T LET HER OUT OF MY SIGHT. EVERY TIME SHE PUT ME DOWN I SCREAMED!

JOHN WAS MY FAVOURITE BUS DRIVER BECAUSE HE WAS KIND TO ME. HE DROVE ME TO AND FROM NURSERY EVERY DAY. AT HOME I USED TO GO ON ADVENTURES WITH “NORMAL” CHILDREN AND IF WE WENT TO THE SHOPS, THEY WOULD HOLD ME UP AND HELP ME WALK. NORMALLY THE ONLY WAY I COULD GET AROUND WAS BY CRAWLING, THIS WAS HOW I WOULD PLAY WITH MY FAMILY AT HOME. I THOUGHT MY MUM WAS EMBARRASSED BY ME, BUT SHE SAYS TODAY THAT SHE NEVER WAS.

I THINK AT THIS STAGE I SHOULD TRY TO EXPLAIN HOW MY DISABILTY AFFECTED MY FAMILY IN THE EARLY DAYS AND UP TO THE PRESENT TIME.

LET ME INTRODUCE MY BROTHERS AND SISTER. TO START, WE HAVE DIFFERENT DADS. ALISTAIR AND CHRISTOPHER HAVE A DIFFERENT DAD TO ME AND ROBERT, AND SHARON HAS A DIFFERNT DAD TO US ALL, AS MUM WAS MARRIED FIVE TIMES. IT MADE THINGS COMPLICATED. MUM FOUND IT TRICKY TO COPE WITH ALL OF US AND WORKING TOO, SO MY ELDEST BROTHERS, ALISTAIR AND CHRISTOPHER, LIVED WITH MY NAN JUST UP THE ROAD FROM US. AS FAR AS I REMEMBER WE NEVER ALL LIVED IN THE SAME HOUSE. HOWEVER, WE ALL PLAYED OUTSIDE TOGETHER WHEN I WAS HOME FROM SCHOOL – IT WAS NORMAL.

CHRISTOPHER WAS THE ELDEST AND, AS FAR AS I CAN REMEMBER, WAS NOT EMBARRASSED ABOUT ME (AS WERE NONE OF MY SIBLINGS). HE LIVED WITH NAN AND GRANDAD UNTIL HE LEFT HOME TO GO TO WORK. CHRISTOPHER HAS BEEN MARRIED FIVE TIMES, LIKE MUM, AND HAS THREE CHILDREN BY HIS FIRST WIFE.

WHEN HE LEFT SCHOOL, HE HAD SEVERAL JOBS, BUT EVENTUALLY HE BECAME A PILOT AND MOVED TO AMERICA. I HAVE ONLY SEEN HIM A FEW TIMES SINCE, WHEN HE HAS COME BACK TO ENGLAND TO VISIT.

ALISTAIR IS THE NEXT ELDEST, ABOUT EIGHT YEARS OLDER THAN ME. WHEN HE LEFT SCHOOL, HE WENT INTO THE ARMY, SO I ONLY SAW HIM WHEN HE CAME HOME ON LEAVE. I REMEMBER ONCE WHEN I WAS OUTSIDE MY SCHOOL – WE ATE OUT THE FRONT AT TEATME DURING THE SUMMER – A BLACK CAB TURNED UP. WE DIDN'T KNOW WHO IT COULD BE AND THEN I SAW ALISTAIR GET OUT! HE WAS HOME ON LEAVE.

HE HAS BEEN MARRIED THREE TIMES AND HAS TWO GIRLS FROM HIS FIRST MARRIAGE.

WHEN ALISTAIR LEFT THE ARMY, HE JOINED THE POLICE AND THEN WENT ON BE A CHAUFFEUR. HE IS RETIRED NOW.

WE ALWAYS GOT ON ALRIGHT, BUT HAVEN'T SEEN MUCH OF EACH OTHER IN LATER YEARS. AS WITH MANY FAMILIES, WE ONLY MEET UP AT WEDDINGS AND FUNERALS. WE DO KEEP IN TOUCH BY PHONE OR EMAIL.

MY SISTER SHARON IS ABOUT FIVE YEARS OLDER THAN ME. SHE ALWAYS LIVED WITH MY MUM, EVEN WORKING AND LIVING – IN AT A LONDON HOTEL TOGETHER. SHE HAS A BOY FROM HER FIRST MARRIAGE AND LATER RE – MARRIED AND HAD ANOTHER BOY AND TWIN GIRLS.

WHEN WE WERE YOUNG, SHARON USED TO LOOK AFTER ME A LOT WHEN I WAS AT HOME, ESPECIALLY WHEN MUM WENT TO WORK. AS WE GREW UP AND I BECAME MORE INDEPENDENT, WE DID NOT KEEP IN TOUCH AS MUCH AND EVENTUALLY DRIFTED APART. HOWEVER, WHEN I WAS ILL IN 2023, SHE CAME TO SEE ME AND WE'VE BEEN IN TOUCH EVER SINCE.

 MY YOUNGEST BROTHER IS ROBERT, WHO IS THREE YEARS AND ONE WEEK OLDER THAN ME. ROBERT HAS NEVER TREATED ME ANY DIFFERENT TO ANY ONE ELSE AS FAR BACK AS I CAN REMEMBER. HE DOES NOT SEE ME AS BEING DISABLED. I REMEMBER WHEN HE HAD HIS WEDDING, HE HAD A DISCO UPSTAIRS IN A PUB – HE JUST EXPECTED ME TO GET UP STAIRS! HE KNEW THAT I WOULD MAKE IT UP THERE SOMEHOW.

THE WHOLE FAMILY, EXCEPT MUM, WENT TO ROBERT AND JULIE'S WEDDING. THEY WENT ON TO HAVE FOUR CHILDEN – THREE BOYS AND A GIRL. IN FACT, I RECENTLY WENT TO ROBERT'S ELDEST SON'S WEDDING! ROBERT AND I KEEP IN TOUCH A LOT AND I GET TO SEE HIM EVERY TIME I GO TO SEE DAD BECAUSE THEY LIVE CLOSE TO EACH OTHER.

MY BROTHERS AND SISTER ARE AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE AND ALTHOUGH WE MIGHT NOT SEE EACH OTHER, I THINK ABOUT THEM A LOT.

Me as a baby!