CHAPTER 6

AT THE AGE OF SEVENTEEN I KNEW I WOULD BE LEAVING ST. MARGARET'S SCHOOL, BUT I HAD NO IDEA WHERE I WOULD BE GOING. ONE FRIDAY AFTERNOON, MY HEADMASTER, MR DAVIS, CAME TO SEE ME AND TOLD ME I WOULD BE GOING AWAY FOR AN ASSESSMENT AT ANTHONY HOUSE IN NEWHAVEN. I WOULD BE THERE FOR TWO DAYS! IT WAS THE FRIST TIME I'D BEEN AWAY FROM SCHOOL IN TERM TIME APART FROM AN OPERATION I'D HAD AND IT WAS FRIGHTENING. I NEEDN'T HAVE WORRIED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE REALLY GOOD! THEY DIDN'T KNOW HOW THEY COULD HELP ME, BECAUSE I WAS TOO INDEPENDENT. BUT ALL OF MY SCHOOL LIFE, I HAD BEEN          ENCOURAGED TO BE INDEPENDENT AND NOT HOLD MYSELF BACK FROM TRYING OR DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT. WHEN THE TIME CAME, I WAS TOLD ONLY THE DAY BEFORE THAT I WOULD BE LEAVING. I NEVER LIKED THE LACK OF COMMUNICATION WITH US WHEN THINGS HAPPENED.

BEFORE I LEFT ST. MARGARET'S IN THE SUMMER, I HAD ANOTHER ISSUE TO DEAL WITH IN MY LIFE. DURING THE MAY HALF – TERM, WHEN I WAS AT MRS PALMER'S, MY SOCIAL WORKER RANG TO SAY SHE WITH VISITING WITH ANOTHER LADY. MRS PALMER AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHO SHE WAS, BUT WE FOUND OUT THAT SHE WAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH FOSTERING AND THEY HAD DECIDED THAT MRS PALMER WAS TOO TO CARE FOR ME.

THEY DIDN'T TAKE MY VIEWS INTO CONSIDERATION AT ALL! THIS WAS SO FRUSTRATING BECAUSE MRS PALMER WAS LIKE FAMILY TO ME. THEY DIDN'T SEE ME AS A PERSON, JUST AN ITEM TO BE SHUFFLED AROUND WHENEVER THEY DECIDED. THE FOLLOWING DAY THEY HELD A MEETING WITH MRS PALMER AND TOLD HER SHE COULDN'T SEE ME FOR SIX MONTHS, BUT MRS PALMER FOUGHT FOR ME: “YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO HER. THIS THE ONLY HOME SHE  HAS AND THE ONLY SECURITY SHE HAS.” IT WORKED. THEY AGREED THAT I COULD STAY WITH HER FOR THE FIRST WEEK OF THE HOLIDAY AND FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS, SO THAT MRS PALMER COULD HELP ME GET READY TO GO TO ANTHONY HOUSE.

BETWEEN THIS TIME, I WOULD GO ON MY FIRST PHAB (PHYSICALLY HANDICAPPED AND ABLE BODIED) HOLIDAY. I'D NEVER BEEN BEFORE BECAUSE OF MY AGE, BUT NOW I WAS SEVENTEEN, I COULD GO AND I REALLY ENJOYED IT!

THE PHAB HOLIDAY WAS BASED IN THE OLD DOVER BARRACKS. I REMEMBER WHEN I ARRIVED, SOMEONE CAME TO HELP ME OUT OF THE CAR. SHE WASN'T MY HELPER, LIKE I WAS USED TO. HERE, EVERYONE WAS EQUAL AND HELPED EACH OTHER. SHE TOOK ME TO THE DINING ROOM WHERE I MET LORNA. SHE ASKED MY NAME, BUT THEN DECIDED THAT “GLADYS” WAS MUCH BETTER AND THAT BECAME MY NICKNAME FOR EVERY YEAR AFTER! I HAD BEEN ON PHAB HOLIDAYS BEFORE – IT WAS AN ADULT HOLIDAY, SO I REALLY ENJOYED IT BECAUSE WE WERE TREATED LIKE PEPOLE.

IT WAS A CHRISTIAN – RUN HOLIDAY AND I REMEMBER EVERY MORNING THEY WOULD PLAY “BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER.” I REALLY LIKED THE SONG, BUT IT MADE ME FEEL SAD BECAUSE IT REMINDED ME OF MY MUM. I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE SHE WAS AT THAT TIME AND HEARING IT MADE THINK OF WHEN SHE WOULD PLAY IT AT HOME AND BE WITH ME AS WE LISTENED TO IT. IT MADE ME WANT TO BE WITH MY MUM AGAIN. SOMETIMES THEY WOULD PLAY OTHER SONGS LIKE “THE STREETS OF LONDON” WHICH ALSO MADE ME THINK ABOUT HER. I MISSED HER. IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN HOW I REALLY FELT INSIDE.

DURING MY TIME AT PHAB, I TOOK  PART IN DIFFERENT ACTIVITIES AND GOT UP TO LOTS OF MISCHIEF TOO! I LOVE ART GROUP, WHERE I REMEMBER MAKING A RUBIK'S CUBE. LATER, AT PHAB IN WALES, I ALSO REMEMBER BEING THE MAIN PART IN A PRODUCTION OF “JOSEPH AND HIS TECHNICOLOUR DREAMCOAT” WHEN I JOINED THE MUSIC AND DRAMA GROUP. IT WAS GREAT TO HAVE THESE OPPORTUNITIES.

AFTER ONE PHAB HOLIDAY WHEN MRS PALMER WASN'T ALLOWED HAVE ME AT HOME, I WAS TAKEN TO CHEYNE HERITAGE HOSPITAL. I HAD NEVER BEEN THERE BEFORE AND HAD NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER. IT FRIGHTENINED ME SO MUCH I CRIED ON MY BED WHEN I GOT THERE. A DOCTOR CAME TO ME BECAUSE HE KNEW I WAS FRIGHTENED AND HE WAS REALLY NICE AND MADE ME FEEL BETTER. THE NIGHT NURSE SAT WITH ME TO COMFORT ME.